Kansas is wretched. It is flat, featureless, and worst of all deeply Christian. Topeka was a grudging journey in the interest of not having to drive straight to Denver and lose a payday in the process. However, I am finally learning that when it comes to touring there is no telling how good or bad a show will be, and Topeka proved to be full of surprises. There were only about sixty people but their reaction made it feel like the room was packed. Everyone was up front with fists in the air and remarkably our performance was one of the best of the tour. This is the kind of communion we seek with every audience - message sent, message received. One unexpected consequence was being approached by a rather attractive girl who took my arm and began licking and sucking the spikes on my gauntlet. That was a new one for me, and I was so surprised that I didn't quite know what to do. As she took a particularly sharp spine into her mouth I became alarmed and warned her to be careful. She snapped her head up with a fiery look and pulled me forward by my shirt. "You're the one who needs to be careful," she said with a lacivious snarl. She roughly clasped my head in both hands, pushed her body against me, pressed her forehead to mine and hissed, "Welcome to the Bible Belt, baby." Then she walked away. For all the dogma, self-righteousness, and insane moral standards of this region, they cannot protect their daughters from us. We are the slow acting poison, the enemy within. We achieve victory, one soul at a time.